#7

everybody is gone. maybe not forever, but they aren't here. but i need someone. not a relationship, because nowadays most of them sucks. i need someone to talk about, to care about. a really friend. but now i don't have one. my friends are nice, and lovely, but they aren't here for me. they don't know me well like the old ones. but the oldies are gone.
 i feel like i'm really alone, just myself. and then... nothing. the last time when i was really happy... actually i don't remember that time.
 and if you hate someone who you have to love...

 ...such a damn situation. everyone espect to love him, but you just standing right there, and know: he doesn't deserve your love. everything what he did before is hurting you. he's there reason why you see nothing what you can love in yourself. yap, that's shit.
 now i feel everyone is hate me. i'm not a good person, i've made a lots of choices and all of they are  fucking bad. but i'll suck it, i can feel it.
 i feel empty. not just for the friends who's gone. i feel it for myself. i'm no one. i know nothing. i mean nothing. nobody needs me. such a trap.
 that one who i loved is a dick. i thought he'll be the one, but i was wrong. he's just an asshole. and the worst in it: i think i still love him. he was a dick with me, he hurts me all the time, but it's like there's no one i can love, so maybe he's the one who i deserve? i hate myself for it. my mistake.

i am the one who messed up. i've made all the wrong choices, and all of my choices the worst one is wich one? when did i screwed up?

#6

bad mode actived.

#5

just sleep deeply. that's your world, and no one can take it from you.

#4

yay. i write a lot of story, and i think they'll never every be shared. i'm afraid of what the others will think about my writings. but it's such a great thing. :-)

#3

if your life would be a book every year would be chapter and every day a page.

#2

actually, in new year's eve is nothing special. just another day, if you don't make it special. like your birthday. you feel the same if you don't go to a party.
 and i say the truth: i don't like new year's eve. the firework is everywhere, and it's really depressing - not just for the animals. (or maybe i'm an animal, too? who knows.) until now i didn't feel anything in new year's eve. it was like another party where i went with my friends. but yesterday/today was different. i relieved when the clock struck twelve. i don't know, maybe i'm not the same like last year, and that's why i felt it.
 however that's the point: i'm not the same. i changed. like everyone around me. i thought that's not good, but now i think it's great and horrible, in the same time. little bit strange.

happy new year's to everyone. i'm sorry if i was a jerk last year. don't worry! this year i will be, too. i promise.

#1

now i see: started is the hardest, sometimes. but when you see the end is coming, that can be more painful.