#17

well, this day was good, too. (am i sick or what...) we had a lot of fun today. maybe the teachers didn't like these moments, but who gives a fuck?

but there was a moment, when i felt terrible. after me and my friend told that story what had to learnt my favorite teacher (yap, i got one) said to her: 'you were unsure, that's why she messed up'. i hate it. yap, i forget - one time - the next line, but hello? that's not her mistake! just because she didn't learn it as well as the others doesn't mean that's why i screwed up! oh come on...
 but the other times i was happy. maybe i annoyed one of my friends with my big happiness... that's how it goes. you feel happy? ok. the life comes, and give a punch in your face. just because you were so-so happy. she told me: 'calm down, why are you laughing all the time?'. i have no idea. maybe because i'm a dick, and that's how i wanna annoying you. argh.
 and that moment when the bitch of your class starts flirting with every boy. oh, hey miss perfection! go to the hell with your... but that was funny because the most of the boys didn't give a fuck about her. am i evil? i don't think so, 'cuz i am not the only one who's feeling that...

one of the awkward moments when the younger kids have a relationship, and you... just standing right there like: i'm in love with nutella. is it normal? i mean, is it normal if i haven't got anyone who... you know, i'd like. is it?
 i miss that what a relationship means: feelings, holding hands, kisses... i just miss it. but i won't play the bitchy one who go out with every boy, just because she misses it. that's pathetic.
 i'm tired all the time. it's a circulation: tired, school, tired, home, tired, sleep, tired, school... fuck that.
 okay, i've just said wrong things. so, here good ones: i laughed a lot. my friends are really crazy. and that song 'talk dirty to me' didn't help us... that's all i can say, because if  i say more, i will laugh and then a i'll can't stop it... here it is. sorry.

#13

gosh i will suck on monday. i haven't learn, and i've got a lot of homerwork.  fuck. but i've got the perfect relationship now: my bed, my laptop, music, cacao and pizza. we're a big family...
 everytime i think about monday i feel two thing: i can't wait it (really? i said that?) and i hate it. i want it because i miss my friends so much. i didn't see them since last year - haha, what funny i am. i think i don't have to explain why i hate it. everybody hates monday, and they are crying because of it. maybe i'd have to do, too. but what will be better if i cry my heart out? exactly: nothing.
 but at least i'm not sad. not happy, but not sad and it's something.

 it's better. everything gonna be alright. just not now. i will write until the last day of the holiday. it helps. i don't know what should i feel. that's normal? or i'm gonna be crazy? definitely, i have no idea.
 i want restart the holiday. i'd do a lots of things in another way.
 actually i don't know what i want now. at the moment. who i need? why i want to wake up every morning? at the first time of my life i have no one who is in love with me. yeah, that's kind of bitchy, but that's true. and weird. or i just don't even know. i'm a bitch.
 but...

...so i don't care. i love my friends. and if i have to be with someone i will be. because everything happens with a reason, and i love everyone who loves me. except one person, who just says he loves me. or two... whatever. the thing is: if you love me, and you didn't give me a reason why i can hate you, i love you.
 thanks.

#2

actually, in new year's eve is nothing special. just another day, if you don't make it special. like your birthday. you feel the same if you don't go to a party.
 and i say the truth: i don't like new year's eve. the firework is everywhere, and it's really depressing - not just for the animals. (or maybe i'm an animal, too? who knows.) until now i didn't feel anything in new year's eve. it was like another party where i went with my friends. but yesterday/today was different. i relieved when the clock struck twelve. i don't know, maybe i'm not the same like last year, and that's why i felt it.
 however that's the point: i'm not the same. i changed. like everyone around me. i thought that's not good, but now i think it's great and horrible, in the same time. little bit strange.

happy new year's to everyone. i'm sorry if i was a jerk last year. don't worry! this year i will be, too. i promise.